This year has been intense so far and it’s only February. The year started off with a bang, getting some great news about my future career plans. I was accepted into the Nursing program at Southeast Tech and ready to start classes in March. As if that wasn’t exciting enough, I was also offered a Nursing sponsorship through Sanford Health.  Everything was going as planned, crossing things off my list, task by task, in preparation for school. In one year, I could be an LPN on my way to obtaining my BSN. A lifelong dream finally coming true. And then life happened…

At the beginning of this month I had a heart catheterization to get a better view of my aortic valve. I have been having symptoms since October/November and just not feeling myself. I decided to schedule an appointment with my Cardiologist in December to get a better grasp at what was going on. At first, I thought my body was taking a bit longer to adjust to working 2 jobs. Working full-time shift work and trying to fit in another job was a bit taxing. I was tired All. The. Time.  I tried getting more sleep, eating better, and staying hydrated, but no matter what I tried, my body was struggling to keep up. No matter how much sleep I got, it wasn’t enough. Fast forward to the heart cath results…

Right now, my aortic valve is not working as efficiently as it should be. My valve’s leakage has increased to the point where surgery is now needed. Currently, my doctor is doing her very best to figure out if we can repair the valve or if a valve replacement is going to be the better choice. She said I am needing to have surgery in the next month or two. THE NEXT 4-8 WEEKS! I was anticipating surgery down the road, but not quite as soon as April/May. Talk about a punch in the gut. OOF! When life happens, it really happens! My mind started racing as soon as she told me how soon I would need surgery. Flashbacks to my previous surgeries were now in the forefront of my mind along with a million other worries you have as a single parent.

My three previous open heart surgeries happened when I was a child, with my last being at the age of 14. I remember my last surgery fairly well. It has been the hardest surgery to date. I had some complications and overall it took a lot longer to recover compared to the previous two.  As a child, I remember being scared, but knew everything would be ok. Now as a parent, not only am I concerned about my upcoming surgery and outcome, but most importantly, I am concerned about my daughter. It’s my job to be sure she is taken care of emotionally and physically. Self-care is one of the hardest things parents have to do. The never-ending guilt trip. At the end of the day, I have to remind myself, that little person is depending on me for everything. In order to provide the very best for her, I have to be my very best.